The quintessential new year's resolution: Lose weight. I'm no different - it's on my list. After Kate's diagnosis, I stopped exercising and started stuffing my gullet at every chance as a way, I guess, of dealing with the stress. I gained about 35 pounds. By the time last spring rolled around, I was not feeling too good about myself. I was easily winded, in part because I was carrying around a lot of extra weight and in part because I was not in the best physical shape. So, I started exercising and trying to eat at least a little better. Since then I have lost around 17 pounds, but feel I need to lose another 27 or so.
I am a hopeless snacker. Evenings are the worst. I'm always stuffing something, usually not especially healthy, in my mouth. I suffer from depression and anxiety and I'm pretty sure my snacking is a form of self-medication, of comfort.
I'm not a big breakfast eater. My therapist, who has in the past worked in the area of eating disorders, has suggested that my nocturnal noshing may at least partially be coming from skipping my morning meal. So, she has suggested I eat a more complete breakfast and see if that helps my post-prandial munching. So far, it has not had much of an impact in terms of how much I eat, but I do seem to have lost four pounds in the past week. Maybe we're onto something here.
Meanwhile I continue to exercise. I try to get in a 40-50 minute cardio workout at least three times a week, though 4-6 is more the norm. My workouts have become important in two respects. First, this is the only time during the day I don't live with that omnipresent knot in my stomach and, secondly, I feel a sense of accomplishment at the end of it, however fleeting the feeling.
So, hopefully starting today, I will try to minimize my snacking and keep on with the exercise to see if I can shed the extra 27 lbs. and see if I can bring myself to 190 lbs. I hope blogging about it will motivate me. I'll try to post once a month about my progress.
And on a different note, Happy New year to all my Chinese readers and friends. The year of the snake seems to be somewhat inauspicious, but hopefully everyone will come out the other end happier and healthier. All the best.
Sunday, 10 February 2013
Sunday, 3 February 2013
Smart Phones, Tablets and that Interweb Thingy
Over the past few years, I have have been developing a profound dislike of information and communications technology (ICT). I see its potential as a liberating tool - facilitating access to vast amounts of information from almost anywhere. Allowing us to connect with people we may never have otherwise met and stay connected with people who maybe have moved away. We seem to have overshot its potential, though, and landed in a less desirable situation where ease of access has led to intellectual laziness, where connecting electronically has supplanted more intimate forms of interaction and where our sense of privacy, and our desire for it, has been lost.
I admit I don't have a lot of empirical evidence to back up some of my claims. Before I left work, though, I was noticing that cutting and pasting little factoids from online sources such as Wikipedia was creeping into the various documents that came across my desk. Rather than doing their own anlayses and trusting their own judgements many government professionals seem to prefer the pre-digested views available in cyberspace. As I say, this phenomenon may not be widespread, but it is creeping in.
I heard a story from an acquaintance recently about a university professor who caused an uproar among his students by refusing to post his lecture notes online, forcing his students to actually attend class and take their own notes. Of course, this relates directly to the intellectual laziness I referred to earlier, but I think it also speaks a lot about the growing sense of entitlement I feel is growing within younger generations, but that's a different topic for a different post. The great promise of accessing information so easily is tainted somewhat by the fact that any idiot can publish anything online (as this blog demonstrates so well) and people seem unable to distinguish the good from the bad. If any of you reading this teach, I would love to hear your observations about how ICTs are affecting the work and intellectual development of your students.
I also feel that the ubiquity of smart phones, tablets and laptop indicate a bizarre form of addiction. People seem to have a helpless need to be constantly connected - to the web, to others, to playing games. I look around and all I see are people's noses stuck into some electronic device - texting, surfing, playing. People text while they drive which is an unbelievably dangerous activity. I see people, presumably friends or family or at least acquaintances, sitting at the same table in a café not talking to each other but thumbing their respective smart phones. I see parents at their kids' sporting events engrossed in their phones or tablets oblivious to what their kids are doing. I always feel bad when I see a child do something great, look over with pride at their mom or dad only to see them clicking away. And, of course, cyberspace has become a valuable tool in the arsenal of bullies.
Many, and I include myself here, are living their lives online through social media with no regard for their own privacy. No more secrets.
I have to rethink my own use of technology. I'm just one red crayon and notebook away from moving into the woods and writing a manifesto off the grid.
I admit I don't have a lot of empirical evidence to back up some of my claims. Before I left work, though, I was noticing that cutting and pasting little factoids from online sources such as Wikipedia was creeping into the various documents that came across my desk. Rather than doing their own anlayses and trusting their own judgements many government professionals seem to prefer the pre-digested views available in cyberspace. As I say, this phenomenon may not be widespread, but it is creeping in.
I heard a story from an acquaintance recently about a university professor who caused an uproar among his students by refusing to post his lecture notes online, forcing his students to actually attend class and take their own notes. Of course, this relates directly to the intellectual laziness I referred to earlier, but I think it also speaks a lot about the growing sense of entitlement I feel is growing within younger generations, but that's a different topic for a different post. The great promise of accessing information so easily is tainted somewhat by the fact that any idiot can publish anything online (as this blog demonstrates so well) and people seem unable to distinguish the good from the bad. If any of you reading this teach, I would love to hear your observations about how ICTs are affecting the work and intellectual development of your students.
I also feel that the ubiquity of smart phones, tablets and laptop indicate a bizarre form of addiction. People seem to have a helpless need to be constantly connected - to the web, to others, to playing games. I look around and all I see are people's noses stuck into some electronic device - texting, surfing, playing. People text while they drive which is an unbelievably dangerous activity. I see people, presumably friends or family or at least acquaintances, sitting at the same table in a café not talking to each other but thumbing their respective smart phones. I see parents at their kids' sporting events engrossed in their phones or tablets oblivious to what their kids are doing. I always feel bad when I see a child do something great, look over with pride at their mom or dad only to see them clicking away. And, of course, cyberspace has become a valuable tool in the arsenal of bullies.
Many, and I include myself here, are living their lives online through social media with no regard for their own privacy. No more secrets.
I have to rethink my own use of technology. I'm just one red crayon and notebook away from moving into the woods and writing a manifesto off the grid.
Friday, 1 February 2013
100 Best Movies
Karen, of A Peek at Karen's World fame (among the more entertaining blogs I follow), today posted her version of the best 100 movies. Of course, this kind of exercise is highly controversial and it got my juices flowing. So, I decided, what the hell, why don't I put in my two cents worth? I have to admit coming up with a list of 100 movies is quite difficult, but I don't think there are many I would take off.
You'll note that movies from the past ten years are not well-represented. The largest reason for this is that since we had Lena, we don't get out much and our choices tend to be more family -friendly. I also believe that movies today are more about flash-and-bang than anything else, but that's just my opinion.
So, here they are:
You'll note that movies from the past ten years are not well-represented. The largest reason for this is that since we had Lena, we don't get out much and our choices tend to be more family -friendly. I also believe that movies today are more about flash-and-bang than anything else, but that's just my opinion.
So, here they are:
- Schindler's List
- Casablanca
- Psycho
- The Exorcist
- Traffic
- Dogma
- The Godfather
- The Godfather II
- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
- Erin Brokovich
- Dirty Harry
- The Usual Suspects
- The Birds
- The In-Laws (1979)
- Maltese Falcon
- Pirates of the Caribbean
- Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
- Big Night
- Star Wars
- The Cook, the Thief, His WIfe and Her Lover
- Slap Shot
- The Caine Mutiny
- So, I Married an Axe Murderer
- Rear Window
- Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
- Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
- Reservoir Dogs
- Kill Bill Volume 1
- Kill Bill Volume 2
- Deliverance
- A Beautiful Mind
- October Sky
- The Hunt for Red October
- The Gumball Rally
- Marathon Man
- Bullitt
- Three Days of the Condor
- Gaslight
- Rocky
- Rocky II
- Alien
- The Big Sleep
- Grease
- All the President's Men
- Caddyshack
- The Dirty Dozen
- Pale Rider
- Guns of Navarone
- North by Northwest
- The Shining
- To Kill a Mockingbird
- Die Hard
- Mad Max
- Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior
- Fargo
- Seven
- National Lampoon's Animal House
- Taxi Driver
- Catch Me if you Can
- Jurassic Park
- Saving Private Ryan
- Miracle (2004)
- Office Space
- Election
- Pulp Fiction
- Wayne's World
- Goodfellas
- National Lampoon's Vacation
- The Bourne Identity
- Amélie
- Being John Malkovich
- Monty Python's The Meaning of Life
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail
- The King's Speech
- Presumed Innocent
- Silence of the Lambs
- Glengarry Glen Ross
- Magnum Force
- Sudden Impact
- Stripes
- Ghostbusters
- The Longest Day
- National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
- Saving Private Ryan
- Back to the Future
- Risky Business
- The Big Sleep
- Body Heat
- Pride of the Yankees
- Mississippi Burning
- Twelve Angry Men (1957)
- Treasure of the Sierra Madre
- This is Spinal Tap
- Goodwill Hunting
- Boys Don't Cry
- Mystery Men
- Dead Calm
- A Few Good Men
- Terminator
Monday, 28 January 2013
Writer's Block
I have been having a hard time coming up with blog topics of late. Part of the reason is that I have a lot to worry about and that crowds out the mental resources needed to come up with decent subjects. I also have a difficult time dealing with multiple tasks on a given day and making dinner and doing laundry take precedence over writing. Anyway, this particular path is a little too well worn.
I've worked for years in the Canadian public service and writing is a daily requirement. Usually, subjects are foisted on you by management or circumstances, so coming up with a topic isn't usually a problem. Notwithstanding this, I do remember a couple of times where I just couldn't figure out how to approach some assigned issue and had my drafts returned with comments from my supervisors wondering what the hell I was doing. I have many professional shortcomings but my ability to write a decent briefing note or policy paper or report or speech have seldom been called into question, so these criticisms sometimes stung. Nevertheless, at some point we all face that imposing brick wall that is writer's block.
The internet and the library have a glut of resources for helping people climb the wall. Some of the suggestions are stupid: talk to a monkey (i.e. explain what you really want to say to a stuffed animal). I prefer the practical brass tack approaches. One suggestion that pops up repeatedly is set a regular time of day to write and set a a minimum nimber of words to write and commit yourself. Another fun way to work yourself out of a creative funk is to do some writing exercises. Years ago, my wife bought a book entitled Room to Write, by Boni Goldberg. She proposes a number of short exercises to inspire writing or to help youhone your writing skills. For example, one exercise encourages you to write about your kitchen as if you were a detective, another suggests writing about your hair. All very interesting and potentially helpful. We'll see.
Many people write, either as a sideline or as an integral part of their jobs. I'm curious to know how others overcome their blocks. Would love to hear form you.
I've worked for years in the Canadian public service and writing is a daily requirement. Usually, subjects are foisted on you by management or circumstances, so coming up with a topic isn't usually a problem. Notwithstanding this, I do remember a couple of times where I just couldn't figure out how to approach some assigned issue and had my drafts returned with comments from my supervisors wondering what the hell I was doing. I have many professional shortcomings but my ability to write a decent briefing note or policy paper or report or speech have seldom been called into question, so these criticisms sometimes stung. Nevertheless, at some point we all face that imposing brick wall that is writer's block.
The internet and the library have a glut of resources for helping people climb the wall. Some of the suggestions are stupid: talk to a monkey (i.e. explain what you really want to say to a stuffed animal). I prefer the practical brass tack approaches. One suggestion that pops up repeatedly is set a regular time of day to write and set a a minimum nimber of words to write and commit yourself. Another fun way to work yourself out of a creative funk is to do some writing exercises. Years ago, my wife bought a book entitled Room to Write, by Boni Goldberg. She proposes a number of short exercises to inspire writing or to help youhone your writing skills. For example, one exercise encourages you to write about your kitchen as if you were a detective, another suggests writing about your hair. All very interesting and potentially helpful. We'll see.
Many people write, either as a sideline or as an integral part of their jobs. I'm curious to know how others overcome their blocks. Would love to hear form you.
Sunday, 20 January 2013
Anxiety
Anxiety and depression suck. I live my life with my stomach in knots, with a hollow feeling deep in my chest. Part of what I have been dealing with for the past ten years, and probably longer, has been crushing anxiety. I scratch my head a bit at how this has arisen. I managed to make my way through university, graduating with distinction from university (achieved not through native intelligence, but through a lot of work), and doing quite well in grad school. I have been a diligent public servant earning performance reviews that ranged from good to great - always volunteering to work on the most challenging files. I was a little high-strung and moody maybe, but very much functioning.
Now, though, if I have to do the dishes and shovel snow on the same day I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I feel like I am constantly, and not very successfully, treading water, only managing to get my head above water for a brief gasp of air before getting hit again and again by wave after wave. This drains me physically and emotionally leaving little for anything else.
With my wife sick and a young daughter who I want to have a normal and happy childhood, not one that is dominated by her mother's and father's illnesses, I feel like I'm letting my family down, which in turn makes me feel worse.
This all sounds fairly self-pitying, and I suppose it is. I don't often speak of all this because I don't like to be perceived as a whiner, but I want people who are suffering from the same type of thing to know they are not alone, to hang in there. I want others to know that people suffering from depression and anxiety may seem self-indulgent and lazy, but these afflictions are as debilitating as any physical ailment. Indeed, humanity is blessed with the ability of abstract thought. We take for granted our ability to control our thoughts, but depression and anxiety work to distort our views of ourselves and of the world. For those reasons, depression and anxiety seem the greatest betrayals of ourselves and we seem powerless to change that.
Sometimes I despair that I will never feel happy again, but I deeply hope that I will and that's what keeps me going. I also know I have little choice. My family needs me and that, maybe more than naything, keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard that may be to do.
Now, though, if I have to do the dishes and shovel snow on the same day I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. I feel like I am constantly, and not very successfully, treading water, only managing to get my head above water for a brief gasp of air before getting hit again and again by wave after wave. This drains me physically and emotionally leaving little for anything else.
With my wife sick and a young daughter who I want to have a normal and happy childhood, not one that is dominated by her mother's and father's illnesses, I feel like I'm letting my family down, which in turn makes me feel worse.
This all sounds fairly self-pitying, and I suppose it is. I don't often speak of all this because I don't like to be perceived as a whiner, but I want people who are suffering from the same type of thing to know they are not alone, to hang in there. I want others to know that people suffering from depression and anxiety may seem self-indulgent and lazy, but these afflictions are as debilitating as any physical ailment. Indeed, humanity is blessed with the ability of abstract thought. We take for granted our ability to control our thoughts, but depression and anxiety work to distort our views of ourselves and of the world. For those reasons, depression and anxiety seem the greatest betrayals of ourselves and we seem powerless to change that.
Sometimes I despair that I will never feel happy again, but I deeply hope that I will and that's what keeps me going. I also know I have little choice. My family needs me and that, maybe more than naything, keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, no matter how hard that may be to do.
Monday, 7 January 2013
Welsh Love Spoons
Carved spoons are a tradition in many cultures but the Welsh, for whatever reason, are particularly well known for their mastery of the craft. Wooden spoons were originally carved for purely utilitarian reason, but somewhere along the line more decorative versions came onto the scene. The specific history of love spoons is somewhat lost to time and many theories abound about how they emerged including that young men used them to demonstrate their manual skills to the women they were trying to woo or carving them was a simple inexpensive way for rural men to spend time between growing seasons. My own feeling is that carved spoons were probably to young men before the industrial revolution what mixed tapes were to my generation: a thoughtful and romantic token of affection.
Whatever their romantic origins, they are today often carved to mark a wide range of special occasions - retirements, births, anniversaries and graduations to name a few. In fact, I have started a semi-tradition by carving my daughter a spoon for Christmas - not every Christmas mind you, but I have managed three over the past five years or so. She is a grateful recipient and I hope they continue to be special mementos of my love for her. I hope to expand the tradition to include my wife Kate and to encompass more milestones for both of them. Below are some pictures of my efforts.
I have two very good books on the subject of carving spoons which have guideed me, Celtic Carved Lovespoons by Sharon Lintley and Clive Griffin, and Fine Art of Carving Lovespoons, by David Western.
Whatever their romantic origins, they are today often carved to mark a wide range of special occasions - retirements, births, anniversaries and graduations to name a few. In fact, I have started a semi-tradition by carving my daughter a spoon for Christmas - not every Christmas mind you, but I have managed three over the past five years or so. She is a grateful recipient and I hope they continue to be special mementos of my love for her. I hope to expand the tradition to include my wife Kate and to encompass more milestones for both of them. Below are some pictures of my efforts.
***
I have two very good books on the subject of carving spoons which have guideed me, Celtic Carved Lovespoons by Sharon Lintley and Clive Griffin, and Fine Art of Carving Lovespoons, by David Western.
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| This is the first spoon I carved for the Bean. Pattern from Lintley and Griffin. |
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| This was my second effort. Pattern from Western. |
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| This was the spoon I gave to the Bean this Christmas, also from Western. |
Monday, 31 December 2012
Passions and Legacies
Lately, I seem to be reading or seeing on television stories about people with abiding and intense interests; one might even say passions. I'm not talking about romantic interests but rather in subjects. One book I read recently is the Night Villa by Carol Goodman, where the protagonist, a university professor of Classics, talks about one of her students having an unusual passion for the material she studies. Okay, I don't get how anyone can have a passion for dry ancient texts, but I appreciate that people do. Another, The Art of Detection by Laurie R. King is about an investigation into the death of Sherlockian - a person who lived and breathed Arthur Conan Doyle's most celebrated fictional character. In the area of non-fiction, I have read books by Nicholas Basbanes who has written extensively about bibliophilia or the love of books, particularly in his A Gentle Madness and Among the Gently Mad.
Our local cable provider has been giving its subscribers a free preview of the HIFI Channel. A number of shows on this channel deal with people's passions. Collector Showdown is a low-budget game show that pits single-minded collectors of various things (e.g. shoes, breweryana, trains, quilts to name but a few) against each other in tests of knowledge and skill with the victor winning something related to his or her collecting field. Without exception, the people on the shows spend most of their free time and disposable income on their hobbies. Another show on the same channel is Style in Steel, a show that often features people who restore and collect cars. Yet another show is Guitar Picks, a show that deals with various aspects of guitars, but often has stories on obsessive guitar collectors and luthiers.
I kind of envy the types of people portrayed in these books and shows - people who can lose themselves in a particular subject or activity, whose devotion is almost single-minded and who relentlessly seek to improve their knowledge and mastery of their field of interest. Outside of my family, I have no true passion that occupies my time and attention. I have myriad interests, some of which I have sustained over a longer period of time, and many more that are fleeting and transient. I guess my interest in hand crafts, especially woodworking comes close, but even then, I spend more time reading about them than actually doing them. Hockey is another that comes close, particularly my home team, the Ottawa Senators, but even then, I am not so enthralled that I study team statistics or the team's history. I watch the games, follow the team and keep track of the standings in the paper and buy the occasional piece of merchandise, but that's about it. Even that, though, has been tainted by the current NHL strike where a bunch of angry rich people are arguing over huge sums of money without a thought to the people that provide that money, namely us, the fans.
I'm not sure why I envy these people, but I do. I guess I feel a little directionless, like I'm floundering. Maybe my depression and anxiety account for part of it. I've also found myself somewhat preoccupied over the last few years about leaving some kind of legacy - a body of work that will outlive me. Make no mistake, I am proud of my little girl and am aware that I will be leaving a remarkable and good human being to the world. In fact, she is my single greatest source of pride. However, she's in school or with friends or asleep for a lot of time and it's what I do with that time that I want to mean something and something lasting.
So, I guess, the struggle continues.
Our local cable provider has been giving its subscribers a free preview of the HIFI Channel. A number of shows on this channel deal with people's passions. Collector Showdown is a low-budget game show that pits single-minded collectors of various things (e.g. shoes, breweryana, trains, quilts to name but a few) against each other in tests of knowledge and skill with the victor winning something related to his or her collecting field. Without exception, the people on the shows spend most of their free time and disposable income on their hobbies. Another show on the same channel is Style in Steel, a show that often features people who restore and collect cars. Yet another show is Guitar Picks, a show that deals with various aspects of guitars, but often has stories on obsessive guitar collectors and luthiers.
I kind of envy the types of people portrayed in these books and shows - people who can lose themselves in a particular subject or activity, whose devotion is almost single-minded and who relentlessly seek to improve their knowledge and mastery of their field of interest. Outside of my family, I have no true passion that occupies my time and attention. I have myriad interests, some of which I have sustained over a longer period of time, and many more that are fleeting and transient. I guess my interest in hand crafts, especially woodworking comes close, but even then, I spend more time reading about them than actually doing them. Hockey is another that comes close, particularly my home team, the Ottawa Senators, but even then, I am not so enthralled that I study team statistics or the team's history. I watch the games, follow the team and keep track of the standings in the paper and buy the occasional piece of merchandise, but that's about it. Even that, though, has been tainted by the current NHL strike where a bunch of angry rich people are arguing over huge sums of money without a thought to the people that provide that money, namely us, the fans.
I'm not sure why I envy these people, but I do. I guess I feel a little directionless, like I'm floundering. Maybe my depression and anxiety account for part of it. I've also found myself somewhat preoccupied over the last few years about leaving some kind of legacy - a body of work that will outlive me. Make no mistake, I am proud of my little girl and am aware that I will be leaving a remarkable and good human being to the world. In fact, she is my single greatest source of pride. However, she's in school or with friends or asleep for a lot of time and it's what I do with that time that I want to mean something and something lasting.
So, I guess, the struggle continues.
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