Saturday, 18 August 2012

My Weeks from Hell

The past few weeks have been absolutely painful and have left me emotionally spent and quite low.  A week and a half ago I got the results of an ECG that showed abnormalities.  Indeed, they indicated that I had at some point in the past I had had a heart attack.  This test was ordered by my psychiatrist and the abnormal results then got referred to a cardiologist.  Word came back from the cardiologist that he had "concerns" and wanted me in for a consultation in week's time.

This was among the most stressful periods of my life.  I was confronted with possibly being sick at a time when my family needs me most and the thought was, and is, devastating to me.  Finally, I saw the cardiologist who assured me that I probably did not have a heart attack and that at least some of the results were likely side-effects from the medication I am on for my depression (i.e. Zeldox, a mood stabilizer and desipramine, an tricyclic anti-depressant).  He has ordered for me a stress test, which I took last week, and an echocardiogram which I have to wait until October for.  He has done this, he claims, to reassure me rather than him that I am alright.  Despite this, my imagination is running wild and my anxiety is great.  I have stopped taking the Zeldox and have cut back on the desipramine and am hoping this will help.  Indeed, I think I will ask to be weened off the desipramine altogether since I am not a fan of the other side-effects it causes (i.e. dizziness and constipation) in addition to the cardiac side effects.

This past year has been so bad for me and my family - Kate's cancer and a number of other problems in our families which I won't detail out of respect for their privacy - that I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong with me.  At the same time, I feel better physically than I have in months and can't imagine that I could feel this good and have a heart problem.  Nor am I a particular high-risk for early heart disease.  So, these conflicting views wage their battle in my brain and some days I am hopeful and other days am filled with dread.

So, I hope this is a story that ends well so that I can re-shift my focus from me back to my wife and daughter who don't deserve this extra stress.


  1. Hi, Geoff. It's been a rough couple of weeks for me, too, which is why I'm just now getting caught up on some past posts.

    I'm so sorry things have been bad for you. I hope you'll feel better after these results come through and that you'll be able to get some answers. Thinking of you!

    1. Thanks, Karen. I've been reading about some of your travails and am very sorry also. All the best.